I’ve Become Obsessed With Status

Buenas tardes, amigos! (I just got back from Spain so I speak Spanish now.)

Ever since I recently became a renowned expert at international travel I have seen the world through different colored glasses. What color you ask? Silver ones, mi amigo. What shade of silver? United Premier Silver.

I didn’t put my actual Mileage Plus # on there. I’m not an idiot.

You see, after spending a year toiling away at a small startup in the Bay area where the farthest I could travel was around the block, I now work for a company that has me spending most of my time literally Up in The Air.

Pictured: me.

My little two week jaunt to Europe with the Capital R Roommate plus all of the traveling I’ve done for work in the past two months have finally amounted to something I always knew I deserved but had yet been given: status. And I can’t get enough of it.

Just at United Airline’s Premier Silver status level (it’s the lowest one, so why isn’t it called Premier Bronze level?) do you realize what you get? You probably don’t, you Economy riding jet jockey.

Complimentary upgrades to Economy Plus? No longer do I have to pretzel my legs under my damaged hips back in steerage again! These legs are still banged up from dunking all over Rant Director of Content Clay Manley’s head back in AAU basketball and they need to stretch out in all that extra legroom.

Clay’s lifeless body is below me. Also sweet TMac’s John. Also eat something, jeez.

Seat upgrades for myself and my flying companion, completely free of charge? I hope I can find a hooker who’ll accept a seat upgrade as money paid.

“Can I give either of you ladies a lift? Hope your liquids are less than 3.4 oz!”

One free complimentary checked bag, up to fifty pounds? Fifty pounds! Do you realize how many bags of Skittles I can bring onboard with no charge? I looked it up, it’s about 60 bags since each bag weighs about 14 ounces. And bags of the original Skittles, with the lime flavor. None of this green apple BS.

The marketing people at Skittles don’t know what “original” means do they?

The best part is that Silver status lasts me all of 2016. I’m at 30,000 miles currently for 2015 (pretty pedestrian if you ask me) and have until December 31st to attain the illustrious Premier Gold Status on United, which is 50,000 miles.

20,000 miles in three months? With a couple of trips back and forth to Chicago for the holidays and work trips up and down the West Coast I know I’ll crush at least another 10k. Which leaves me with a dilemma.

Much like this was a dilemma, back in 2006.

Do I book a round trip ticket to Hawaii and maybe take a quick (six-ten hour) swing by NYC in the month of December? You bet your Southwest Airline flying ass I do. It’s called a mileage run and big shots like me take them all the time. Because you see, United Premier Gold Status includes complimentary upgrades to First Class, and TWO free checked bags.

Imagine how many Skittles I could bring onboard then?

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